S**less Relationship
Jun 16, 2023 22:20:04 GMT
Post by anonymous90 on Jun 16, 2023 22:20:04 GMT
Hello!
I guess I am writing this as a way to cope with the things that I am going through in my relationship. I don't have anyone other than my partner to talk to, and even then I feel like what I say falls on deaf ears. Normally, I wouldn't ever consider talking to anyone about my relationship. I believe if you have issues with anything in your relationship it should be talked about with your person. The thing is...I have done that with no change. This is so hard for me, but I don't know what else to do. Maybe this will make me feel better so, here it goes...
I met my partner about 20 years ago. We were just kids, but we had this amazing connection that was unlike anything I had ever experienced. Long story short, my parents found out about it (grew up in a very religious household) and shipped me off to another state. I came back home a year later, and of course things were different. My parents were pretty strict, and I wasn't allowed to see her again. We both ended up in long term relationships, but kept in touch over the years. Fast forward to a couple of years ago we reconnected. She had been separated from her partner for a while, and I was going through a divorce. We just picked up where we left off like nothing had changed. The connection was there, and so was the sexual chemistry/tension. All of this was new for me. She is the only female Ive ever been with. I suppose I married my ex husband, because that is what was expected of me. That is a whole other long and terrible story.
Anyway, we decided that we wanted to share our lives together. I was still going through a nasty divorce, and we lived 6 hours away from each other. I wasn't able to move, so we did the whole long distance thing until I was able to make the move. This was over a long period of time, and everything was amazing! We were able to see each other quite a bit, and the sex was incredible! Life changing for me really...It was like a lot of things in my life all of a sudden made sense. I had no idea that sex could be so amazing. The kind where all of the bad things fall away, and you just get lost in that person. She made me feel so beautiful, and so wanted.
For the most part, we are amazing together. I am still so very much in love with her, and I see us living a long and beautiful life together. We spend a lot of time together, and it's great! She makes me happy....BUT HERE IS MY PROBLEM...Ever since I moved in with her almost a year ago the sex just stopped. It was just like she was no longer interested in that part of our relationship anymore. I completely understand that life happens and people get busy, but it seriously just stopped. I spent the first few months just trying to make sense of it, and accept that maybe the new wore off as it does most of the time in real life. I also understand that everyone's love language is different, and sex may not be that important to some people. That is my problem I guess. It is very much important to me. Its more than just sex for me. Its how i connect with my person in a way that I don't with anyone else. Its my safe place. The place where I go with my person to forget all of the bad things going on in life, and it makes me feel loved. I have tried talking to her about this, and she doesn't really have much to say about it. She says that she loves being with me, but nothing is different. She doesn't initiate sex the way that she used to, and has turned me down more times than I would like to admit. She doesn't make the sweet and sexy comments that she used to, and I just feel so terrible about myself. I don't know what to do or how to fix it. If that is even possible. I have spent the last several months just trying to go with the flow and let things happen without pressure, but NOTHING. I have completely given up trying, because rejection sucks! I am so incredibly hurt and depressed by all of this. I don't feel confident in myself as a person, or as a woman. I don't know if maybe there is something wrong with me..? Every day gets harder and hurts even more. I am usually a very positive and optimistic person, but this has me STRUGGLING. So much so that I am having a hard time just getting through everyday life. I just want to be with someone who wants and needs me in the way that I want and need them.
The decision I made to be with her came with a lot of challenges. And I mean A LOT. I basically came out to my family and packed up my entire life and moved to a new city for this relationship. I gave up my home, relationships with my family (because they disagree), and everything that was familiar to me. I did this, because I love her. We really do have an amazing relationship. Just a shitty and very unfulfilling sex life. I spent years of my life with someone that I shouldn't have been with. I don't want to waste my entire life on someone who doesn't understand my love language and what I need.
Maybe I am just being ridiculous and unfair. I just really miss being touched and having that connection with my person. It's how I love and feel loved. It's one thing to choose celibacy, but its a completely different story when you didn't ask for it. This is not how I want to live my life. It's torture.
Thanks for reading. Whoever you are. I know that this was all over the place, but I just needed to put it out there.
I guess I am writing this as a way to cope with the things that I am going through in my relationship. I don't have anyone other than my partner to talk to, and even then I feel like what I say falls on deaf ears. Normally, I wouldn't ever consider talking to anyone about my relationship. I believe if you have issues with anything in your relationship it should be talked about with your person. The thing is...I have done that with no change. This is so hard for me, but I don't know what else to do. Maybe this will make me feel better so, here it goes...
I met my partner about 20 years ago. We were just kids, but we had this amazing connection that was unlike anything I had ever experienced. Long story short, my parents found out about it (grew up in a very religious household) and shipped me off to another state. I came back home a year later, and of course things were different. My parents were pretty strict, and I wasn't allowed to see her again. We both ended up in long term relationships, but kept in touch over the years. Fast forward to a couple of years ago we reconnected. She had been separated from her partner for a while, and I was going through a divorce. We just picked up where we left off like nothing had changed. The connection was there, and so was the sexual chemistry/tension. All of this was new for me. She is the only female Ive ever been with. I suppose I married my ex husband, because that is what was expected of me. That is a whole other long and terrible story.
Anyway, we decided that we wanted to share our lives together. I was still going through a nasty divorce, and we lived 6 hours away from each other. I wasn't able to move, so we did the whole long distance thing until I was able to make the move. This was over a long period of time, and everything was amazing! We were able to see each other quite a bit, and the sex was incredible! Life changing for me really...It was like a lot of things in my life all of a sudden made sense. I had no idea that sex could be so amazing. The kind where all of the bad things fall away, and you just get lost in that person. She made me feel so beautiful, and so wanted.
For the most part, we are amazing together. I am still so very much in love with her, and I see us living a long and beautiful life together. We spend a lot of time together, and it's great! She makes me happy....BUT HERE IS MY PROBLEM...Ever since I moved in with her almost a year ago the sex just stopped. It was just like she was no longer interested in that part of our relationship anymore. I completely understand that life happens and people get busy, but it seriously just stopped. I spent the first few months just trying to make sense of it, and accept that maybe the new wore off as it does most of the time in real life. I also understand that everyone's love language is different, and sex may not be that important to some people. That is my problem I guess. It is very much important to me. Its more than just sex for me. Its how i connect with my person in a way that I don't with anyone else. Its my safe place. The place where I go with my person to forget all of the bad things going on in life, and it makes me feel loved. I have tried talking to her about this, and she doesn't really have much to say about it. She says that she loves being with me, but nothing is different. She doesn't initiate sex the way that she used to, and has turned me down more times than I would like to admit. She doesn't make the sweet and sexy comments that she used to, and I just feel so terrible about myself. I don't know what to do or how to fix it. If that is even possible. I have spent the last several months just trying to go with the flow and let things happen without pressure, but NOTHING. I have completely given up trying, because rejection sucks! I am so incredibly hurt and depressed by all of this. I don't feel confident in myself as a person, or as a woman. I don't know if maybe there is something wrong with me..? Every day gets harder and hurts even more. I am usually a very positive and optimistic person, but this has me STRUGGLING. So much so that I am having a hard time just getting through everyday life. I just want to be with someone who wants and needs me in the way that I want and need them.
The decision I made to be with her came with a lot of challenges. And I mean A LOT. I basically came out to my family and packed up my entire life and moved to a new city for this relationship. I gave up my home, relationships with my family (because they disagree), and everything that was familiar to me. I did this, because I love her. We really do have an amazing relationship. Just a shitty and very unfulfilling sex life. I spent years of my life with someone that I shouldn't have been with. I don't want to waste my entire life on someone who doesn't understand my love language and what I need.
Maybe I am just being ridiculous and unfair. I just really miss being touched and having that connection with my person. It's how I love and feel loved. It's one thing to choose celibacy, but its a completely different story when you didn't ask for it. This is not how I want to live my life. It's torture.
Thanks for reading. Whoever you are. I know that this was all over the place, but I just needed to put it out there.
