malone
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Post by malone on Jun 24, 2023 22:49:19 GMT
Hi all
So I'm 32, male and for most of my life I thought I was just straight.
Couple years ago I got curious, joined a few sites and got alot of attention. However never had the courage or nerve to meet anyone. But a few nights ago I finally met a guy, he was nice and wasn't pushy at all. We did some things and now I feel this deep deep hatred for myself for liking it.
Anyone have any advice on what the hell I can do to not feel like this?
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Post by Rasher on Jun 25, 2023 0:32:49 GMT
Do you know that feeling is quite common mainly not because of guilt for having those feeling but because some people feel like they've missed out. Most of the time when you deny yourself something your first reaction after experiencing it will be guilt but it's realise it's natural and it will pass. You know they whole thing about 'Catholic guilt' - a feeling of liking something you were told was a sin. It's real and comes in all forms.
What you need to ask yourself is first, did you enjoy what you did and then do you want to do it again? Maybe give yourself some time to process everything but what I can say is what you did was 100% natural and you shouldn't feel any negativity about it but only you can overcome that yourself - and you will in time.
Are you thinking about meeting this person again?
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Post by Rasher on Jun 25, 2023 0:35:04 GMT
Also, I'm going to move this to the Gender and sexuality forum so more users may see it and want to join in the conversation. The more the merrier, right?
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malone
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Post by malone on Jun 25, 2023 10:28:25 GMT
I read that is was a common thing to happen i just didn't think i'd feel so shit about myself. I never thought of any of this stuff as wrong as i believe you should be able to be with whoever you want (as long as age legal). I did enjoy it and i don't know why and i don't know what to do. I feel i would meet them again but now i have some form of self guilt or something, I don't know.... i don't know. Yeah i get that what happen was natural but i still feel like i'm trapped in a negative thought process about it all. Yes move this post where ever you need to  Thank you, like really thank you. |
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Post by cuddles on Jul 3, 2023 22:42:19 GMT
I've lived trapped in a straight society for over 35 years. I'm opposite to your story. I thought I was gay growing up and denied it...I got married to a woman 23 years ago and still married. 4 years ago I couldn't do the whole locked away secret and told my wife. We are working through it and I'm never gonna cheat on her but I've never been with a guy and only ever been attracted to one woman (although it sometimes feels I'm attracted to every guy I pass in the street lol).
Over the years I've hated myself, felt dirty, disgusted, angry for having the thoughts I have. It's like I have voices in my head arguing abd fighting for both sides.
I am so far through my journey now but the biggest step is accepting yourself, that is what I have found and I am having counselling to help with that and with coming out. As I said, I have no intentions of cheating or ending my marriage but as long as I keep the real me hidden away I am not being the true me so there is no way I'm going back on hiding.
It might be worth looking at counselling if this is something that you want to be part of your life. I found my counselling through my local LGBT charity and they have been amazing.
Good luck xxx
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Post by Saathi on Jul 4, 2023 14:56:34 GMT
Hi there, I'm really pleased that counselling through you local LGBT Charity is working for you. It is also healthy you are working through this with your wife. I agree one of the biggest challenges is accepting ourselves. Something that took a long time for me to do but now here I am many years later working with and for the LGBTQ+ communities for the last 20 years. From my own lived experience keeping secrets and hiding who we are can lead to feelings of shame and guilt and once we introduce empathy and listening to ourselves or for some talking to others we can keep moving forwards to a happier and more authentic life. Sometimes talking to someone about we feel can really help. www.lgbthero.org.uk/find-supportBest wishes |
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luth
Newbie
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Post by luth on Jul 12, 2023 0:11:09 GMT
Don’t hate yourself, it always takes time and comes as a shock when we realise things about who we really are and what we want.
I was similar to you, shocked at discovering aspects of me that I had been burying, everything kind of fell in place for me though after my first meet and the self loathing does go away. Now I’m comfortable knowing I’m gay. My problem is I still haven’t come out
Accept yourself
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Post by Saathi on Jul 12, 2023 9:14:13 GMT
Hi - everyone is on their own individual journey to acceptance. It certainly took my many years to fully accept my sexuality. For some people they may go through some of the stages below: Stages of Coming Out Stage 1 Discovery - this is where you start to question if you might be lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender because of feelings you're having. Stage 2 Acceptance - this is when you start to accept that you are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. Telling the first person is a sign of acceptance. Stage 3 Integration - this is when you begin to get comfortable expressing your lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender identity and living your life accordingly. Getting into a same-sex relationship is a sign of integration. Hope the link below helps www.lgbthero.org.uk/coming-out |
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Post by skylerpenny1 on Jul 18, 2023 14:09:34 GMT
Don't understand why you would hate yourself for liking something..
You should figure out who and what you are and then learn to like yourself.
You'll find that others will like you too!
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