Post by db80 on Jun 25, 2023 17:53:43 GMT
Hey ,
I’m Donna, I’m 40+
Im a newly single mother of 4 older, amazing, children, I’m disabled, I have no family or friends, I had to stop work two years ago bc of my health, I have chronic pain and PTSD. All stages of my life so far I have been targeted or used by monsters, so I have isolated myself from everyone except my children, although it’s not much of a life for them because of it. My eldest is in university, next is at college, my youngest two are in senior school but a week ago one of them left to spend and extended break with her father. All my children have the same father but the others have disowned him bc of his behaviour, treatment of them and me, and a bad last experience while visiting at his home two years ago (he drank heavily) anyway, he’s a monster, to me, not to children, but he’s ‘buying’ his favourite child’s love right now and has a step daughter her age of whom she has a great relationship, turns out it’s a far better life than I’m currently providing. He’s rich and I’m on benefits now, she’s a teen, you do the math. She’s the only one who is like her father when it comes to having ‘things’.
My childhood was horrific, my ‘parents’ either hurt me or ignored it, the best time of my life was when I was in the military but I was forced, by him, to leave. After two decades I plucked up the courage to leave, compiled all the abuse in a police report and had him arrested, part way through the case I was awarded a non molestation order but it was made clear by his family that the children would suffer if they didn’t receive child maintenance from him. I pondered this for some time and decided that my own personal justice was not more important than their needs. I left the case on hold, it was only directed at me, not the children, so I’ll wait until they’re adults and take it up again, it’s not like the memories fade .
Since then their father has given them the bare minimum. I realised I was Gay just last year, I’d been so busy protecting my mind my whole life that I never realised anything about myself, then the world gets smaller and it hits me! Typical.
it’s almost like now I’m free of any harm, it’s all hit my brain at once. I’ve developed anxiety and depression, gained weight, finally went to the GP for a blood test and I have a multitude of health issues, I can’t walk more than a few steps, my mobility scooter broke down, I have some help with that coming from the RAFBF in a few weeks but I now barely leave my chair, I can’t get upstairs, don’t go anywhere at all, I walked my dog on my scooter, and will again, but that’s it bc I dont want anyone seeing me, I don’t want anything to do with anyone, I want to be alone, I want some peace in my life but it’s gone further, I don’t take care of myself at all, hygienically or dietary for example. I support my kids any way I can from my chair, I talk to them all the time, they’re amazing and healthy, they don’t know that if if weren’t for them I would have ended my life a very long time ago, I consider it every single day, the world is ugly, men have ruined me physically and mentally, I don’t want to live in this life anymore. But now one of my children has left and would rather be with the father that has abused me and verbally attacked her brother and neglected them previously and bc of her age there is nothing by law I can do about it, I support her and respect her wishes, I worry for her every day. I need to change things for my children, I don’t want to be a shut-in and transfer my behaviour or ideas and views on the world, I’m so lost. I don’t know who I am. I want to get out of this chair. It’s strange how small and restrictive the world seems when you stop going out in it. But every time I’ve been ‘out there’ it’s hurt me, what’s the definition of madness? So why would I try it again!? But I must do something for my children, just until they’re living their own lives and doing well. How do I start, where do I start?
Anyway, Thts the ‘poor me’ story over.
Thanks for reading.
D.
I’m Donna, I’m 40+
Im a newly single mother of 4 older, amazing, children, I’m disabled, I have no family or friends, I had to stop work two years ago bc of my health, I have chronic pain and PTSD. All stages of my life so far I have been targeted or used by monsters, so I have isolated myself from everyone except my children, although it’s not much of a life for them because of it. My eldest is in university, next is at college, my youngest two are in senior school but a week ago one of them left to spend and extended break with her father. All my children have the same father but the others have disowned him bc of his behaviour, treatment of them and me, and a bad last experience while visiting at his home two years ago (he drank heavily) anyway, he’s a monster, to me, not to children, but he’s ‘buying’ his favourite child’s love right now and has a step daughter her age of whom she has a great relationship, turns out it’s a far better life than I’m currently providing. He’s rich and I’m on benefits now, she’s a teen, you do the math. She’s the only one who is like her father when it comes to having ‘things’.
My childhood was horrific, my ‘parents’ either hurt me or ignored it, the best time of my life was when I was in the military but I was forced, by him, to leave. After two decades I plucked up the courage to leave, compiled all the abuse in a police report and had him arrested, part way through the case I was awarded a non molestation order but it was made clear by his family that the children would suffer if they didn’t receive child maintenance from him. I pondered this for some time and decided that my own personal justice was not more important than their needs. I left the case on hold, it was only directed at me, not the children, so I’ll wait until they’re adults and take it up again, it’s not like the memories fade .
Since then their father has given them the bare minimum. I realised I was Gay just last year, I’d been so busy protecting my mind my whole life that I never realised anything about myself, then the world gets smaller and it hits me! Typical.
it’s almost like now I’m free of any harm, it’s all hit my brain at once. I’ve developed anxiety and depression, gained weight, finally went to the GP for a blood test and I have a multitude of health issues, I can’t walk more than a few steps, my mobility scooter broke down, I have some help with that coming from the RAFBF in a few weeks but I now barely leave my chair, I can’t get upstairs, don’t go anywhere at all, I walked my dog on my scooter, and will again, but that’s it bc I dont want anyone seeing me, I don’t want anything to do with anyone, I want to be alone, I want some peace in my life but it’s gone further, I don’t take care of myself at all, hygienically or dietary for example. I support my kids any way I can from my chair, I talk to them all the time, they’re amazing and healthy, they don’t know that if if weren’t for them I would have ended my life a very long time ago, I consider it every single day, the world is ugly, men have ruined me physically and mentally, I don’t want to live in this life anymore. But now one of my children has left and would rather be with the father that has abused me and verbally attacked her brother and neglected them previously and bc of her age there is nothing by law I can do about it, I support her and respect her wishes, I worry for her every day. I need to change things for my children, I don’t want to be a shut-in and transfer my behaviour or ideas and views on the world, I’m so lost. I don’t know who I am. I want to get out of this chair. It’s strange how small and restrictive the world seems when you stop going out in it. But every time I’ve been ‘out there’ it’s hurt me, what’s the definition of madness? So why would I try it again!? But I must do something for my children, just until they’re living their own lives and doing well. How do I start, where do I start? Anyway, Thts the ‘poor me’ story over.
Thanks for reading.
D.
