Post by perry on Aug 8, 2023 6:12:46 GMT
CW: eating disorder, body dysmorphia
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Amab, non binary, pronouns: your choice
This is super complex. Sorry.
I’ve suffered with anorexia since childhood. It started off as ‘you don’t deserve food. Food is for others’ , but over the years progressed to weight, size, shape issues.
Then when I came out as non-binary…. ‘It’ told me that if I wish to present as non-binary androgynous….. I need to lose weight from various parts of my body. Non-binary friends tell me, rightly, that how you present does not say how non-binary you are.
Note that I allow others to choose what pronouns they use with me. It acts as a sort of barometer indicating what gender identity I project. Some people use feminine pronouns, others masculine. Then….. younger ppl choose to use feminine pronouns while older ppl use masculine pronouns. What really hurts, rather like a bee sting….. is being called mr or, worse still, sir. That indicates that I’ve failed….. spurring me on to a more feminine presentation.
Linked in is pretty severe body dysmorphia. It takes me a couple of hours to get out the front door as ‘it’ tells me how hideously vile I am. It’s not vanity. I’m a million miles away from that.
I’m utterly consumed by what clothes I’m wearing, what my hair looks like (currently a pixie style) how I’ve done my makeup.
Autumn/winter is fast approaching and that’s the worst time for me as I feel dreadful wearing jumpers or coats bc they make me look even fatter, combined with which, lack of eating means I’m always feeling cold.
I feel dreadful being seen intimately.
I’ve had lots of therapy for it but been told I’m treatment resistant. I can fully understand that they don’t want to throw good money after bad. My doc keeps an eye on my weight and bloods.
The point of this post: I need to treat myself and not restrict so much bc it has so many negative effects on my mind and body.
I’ve tried to find a therapist skilled in eating disorders AND gender dysphoria. There are none in the U.K.
However, I don’t think I’m the only person in the country with this interlinked mixture of conditions. So any signposting wld be most welcome.
Sorry for the long detailed post.
Tia.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Amab, non binary, pronouns: your choice
This is super complex. Sorry.
I’ve suffered with anorexia since childhood. It started off as ‘you don’t deserve food. Food is for others’ , but over the years progressed to weight, size, shape issues.
Then when I came out as non-binary…. ‘It’ told me that if I wish to present as non-binary androgynous….. I need to lose weight from various parts of my body. Non-binary friends tell me, rightly, that how you present does not say how non-binary you are.
Note that I allow others to choose what pronouns they use with me. It acts as a sort of barometer indicating what gender identity I project. Some people use feminine pronouns, others masculine. Then….. younger ppl choose to use feminine pronouns while older ppl use masculine pronouns. What really hurts, rather like a bee sting….. is being called mr or, worse still, sir. That indicates that I’ve failed….. spurring me on to a more feminine presentation.
Linked in is pretty severe body dysmorphia. It takes me a couple of hours to get out the front door as ‘it’ tells me how hideously vile I am. It’s not vanity. I’m a million miles away from that.
I’m utterly consumed by what clothes I’m wearing, what my hair looks like (currently a pixie style) how I’ve done my makeup.
Autumn/winter is fast approaching and that’s the worst time for me as I feel dreadful wearing jumpers or coats bc they make me look even fatter, combined with which, lack of eating means I’m always feeling cold.
I feel dreadful being seen intimately.
I’ve had lots of therapy for it but been told I’m treatment resistant. I can fully understand that they don’t want to throw good money after bad. My doc keeps an eye on my weight and bloods.
The point of this post: I need to treat myself and not restrict so much bc it has so many negative effects on my mind and body.
I’ve tried to find a therapist skilled in eating disorders AND gender dysphoria. There are none in the U.K.
However, I don’t think I’m the only person in the country with this interlinked mixture of conditions. So any signposting wld be most welcome.
Sorry for the long detailed post.
Tia.
