kai
Newbie
:)
Posts: 2
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Post by kai on Sept 12, 2023 14:52:42 GMT
I don’t know what to do.
I have had a couple of talks with my mom before about my gender identity I am gender-fluid.
My mom says yeah she supports it. But when I bring it up to her about my gender identity she says “No you’re not” or “your confused” the most common one is “you don’t know what you’re talking about”.
I don’t know what to do. Because I want her to take it seriously. But she doesn’t.
Is there something I can do? Or should I just never bring it up in front of her?
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Post by cnewman on Sept 12, 2023 18:43:12 GMT
Hi
It might be more useful to you to speak with other people who will support and understand your journey. There are probably groups either local to you or online where you could interact and have more meaningful and helpful conversations.
Your mother will see you living your personal truth and living life as you choose, with people you choose. Parents don't always understand or have time to understand what their kids are going through, but if your mother is generally supportive, it might be better for you to focus on more neutral topics of conversation with your mother and wait for her to ask questions.
This is only my opinion and there will be other approaches that are more useful depending on your circumstances.
Best wishes.
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Post by Saathi on Sept 12, 2023 19:13:40 GMT
Hi Kai, sorry to read that your mother is confused but in time she will accept and understand. There is always something you can do to (and you are already trying your best) to make sure you live the life that you want to have. From reading what you have written it sounds like you are aware of your gender fluidity. Glad you reached out on the LGBT HERO Forums. Talking about how you are feeling with others (counsellor, therapist, educational person, GP etc) who may understand (in a non-judgmental way) may also give you inner strength. LGBT HERO run various social and support groups called HangOuts. These are on Zoom. www.lgbthero.org.uk/Pages/Category/hangoutsI remember when I was first accepting my sexuality and gender expression my mother also found it confusing and would contradict in how she felt and expressed herself but eventually I realised I was loved and I was enough. Nowadays my mother still gets confused but she is cool and tries her best. I agree with 'cnewman' finding a group that may work for you is worth looking into. You can always email us at LGBT HERO and we can try to help to see what groups are out there for you. www.lgbthero.org.uk/contact or email us at (hello@lgbthero.org.uk) Most importantly stay in touch let us know how you get on. Please see below some useful help information: www.lgbthero.org.uk/find-supportSwitchboard - 0300 330 0630, 10am-10pm - email chris@switchboard.lgbt LGBTQ+ helpline run by volunteers. Here to help you with whatever you want to talk about. Nothing is off limits. www.lgbthero.org.uk/being-non-binarywww.lgbthero.org.uk/guide-to-gender-identities |
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kai
Newbie
:)
Posts: 2
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Post by kai on Sept 12, 2023 20:23:56 GMT
Other than my mom, I haven’t had any problems with people.
My sister, and my friends are amazing and they support me in any and every way possible.
Part of my moms issue is that she won’t even listen. She doesn’t let me finish when I try to explain things to her.
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Post by Saathi on Sept 13, 2023 11:21:23 GMT
Hi Kai, really happy to read that you have amazing friends and that they support you.
The issue with your mom will take time as she is finding it hard to accept, which is more about her and not you.
I guess your mum can hear what you are saying but unable to process and accept what you are trying to tell her, for now. She probably doesn't let you finish because she is not listening well.
Perhaps setting some boundaries - so you both can listen to each other and letting her know that is important you are listened to.
So for example when I talk to my sister we make sure we both agreed we have 2 minutes without being interrupted. This lead on to the boundary of not interrupting until the other person has finished and waiting for a 10 second pause and checking in "Is it okay for me to say something". Also, sometimes I just want to be listened to by the other person and not make it a conversation. There was a time when I wrote a letter to my sister as she just wasn't listening and this helped us both. But do try whatever way works for you.
There may be a support group where both you and your mother could attend too?
Again if you need to talk to anyone please refer to the links in my previous message.
Best wishes with your journey and do reach out if you need to discuss further
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