Post by usernameallowed on Sept 19, 2023 5:07:25 GMT
i get flashbacks constantly of all the hate ive experienced whenever i wake up i go from relaxed dream like to automatic flashbacks and knots in my stomach i go from happy blissful sleep to extremely unhappy and i can feel this transition within mere moments upon awakening.
There has been so many occurences over a 10 year period most of which i was unaware of at the tume but has been seared in my brain ultimately these experiences have all come to the front of my mind when i learn about myself,
i live in a very segregated discriminated country very racist but these people are a minority.
but fucking hell 10+ years and this shit will just not stop creeping up in my mind especially since i have no support at all just myself. my family do not or very rarely speak to me and i fact they have been complicent on many occasions.
they apparently already knew but now i know they dont talk to me and im just flooded with memories
you know the kind of memories were people stab you but you dont know because you aren't seeing it but you store it in your memory bank because its an unknown variable.
10 years or more
its like ive lived a completley different life and not been aware.
i just thought i was a normal decent caring guy, and never do anyone harm , all the while these people have been coiling around me like vipers and hyenas
i just dont know what is to become of my life and my future
i may have to try and leave this country i was born in and lived all my life to create a sense of space to remove myself and create something new
No family No social life fortunate enough to go to the god damn local shop without that sense of persecution its everywhere. its a prolonged and sustained attack on myself and who they think i am . The issue is i have never been able to actively take this head on as i had no idea why now i just learn its because i am being discriminated against and this also includes my family. theres just no rest and healing it just doesn't stop
There has been so many occurences over a 10 year period most of which i was unaware of at the tume but has been seared in my brain ultimately these experiences have all come to the front of my mind when i learn about myself,
i live in a very segregated discriminated country very racist but these people are a minority.
but fucking hell 10+ years and this shit will just not stop creeping up in my mind especially since i have no support at all just myself. my family do not or very rarely speak to me and i fact they have been complicent on many occasions.
they apparently already knew but now i know they dont talk to me and im just flooded with memories
you know the kind of memories were people stab you but you dont know because you aren't seeing it but you store it in your memory bank because its an unknown variable.
10 years or more
its like ive lived a completley different life and not been aware.
i just thought i was a normal decent caring guy, and never do anyone harm , all the while these people have been coiling around me like vipers and hyenas
i just dont know what is to become of my life and my future
i may have to try and leave this country i was born in and lived all my life to create a sense of space to remove myself and create something new
No family No social life fortunate enough to go to the god damn local shop without that sense of persecution its everywhere. its a prolonged and sustained attack on myself and who they think i am . The issue is i have never been able to actively take this head on as i had no idea why now i just learn its because i am being discriminated against and this also includes my family. theres just no rest and healing it just doesn't stop
