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Post by kittykat185 on Nov 27, 2023 14:46:19 GMT
Hi,
I came out when I was 30, now 36.
I have historically been attracted to straight very feminine women.
I have tried online dating in the last 18 months and been on quite a few dates. I haven’t fancied any of them. I would say I am quite feminine myself. I have been told I don’t give off gay vibes. I think this may be an issue in finding someone
I am very worried I am never going to find someone because my type has always been straight feminine, intelligent funny women. People have started asking if I’m sure I’m a lesbian becasue I haven’t liked any of the ones online. I have never been attracted or had feelings for a man.
It’s all really getting me down.
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Post by Saathi on Nov 29, 2023 10:18:17 GMT
Hey there thanks for your post and sorry to read things are getting you down. Sounds like you are trying your best and trying to navigate the world of dating and desire. The dating game can be a complex one these days (in some ways it always has, for me), but more complex because we are seeing just a face photo and often making decisions to swipe left or right. Having social fun on a date rather than instant attraction can sometimes help. For example having a date around an activity (Bowling, Gaming, etc) as opposed to meeting in a bar etc. Always good to meet in public, to protect your privacy and increase your safety. Personally, I always found dating daunting and then I realised just making friends was enough. Through other friendship and social circles I met my life partner at a point when I also thought I would never meet anyone but it used to get me down, as I felt lonely and unwanted. I joined several social support groups and got involved in volunteer work which widened my network and confidence too and reduced my isolation. So I guess give yourself time and remind yourself you are fine just the way you are. We all eventually connect with someone which may lead to friendship or intimacy or relationships or all three. I tend to check in on myself weekly, to see how my week has gone, and always write down or remind myself of what I like about myself, what I want to improve on, what is going well etc - it's my weekly self-care check in. Again I am sorry things are getting you down and perhaps this could be a good time to talk in confidence with someone, to unpack some of how you feel? Best wishes and let us know how you get on - please see some links below that may be useful: www.lgbthero.org.uk/pages/category/self-carewww.lgbthero.org.uk/Pages/Category/helplgbtqwww.lgbthero.org.uk/find-support |
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Laurette
Newbie
Femme lesbian, out and proud!
Posts: 36 
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Post by Laurette on Nov 29, 2023 15:22:48 GMT
Kitty,
I suggest you join a lesbian Meet-Up. There is bound to be one near you. A Meet-Up is not designed to be a dating service, but meeting someone there does happen. We femme lesbians are somewhat disadvantaged compared to our butch sisters; not only do we often pass for straight women, but it is harder to recognize other femme lesbians. A Meet-Up will solve this problem for you. Our arranger periodically publishes a database in Excel with a listing of the members, with contact info, as well as info such as age, lifestyle, relationship status, etc.
My wife and I are certainly not "looking", but we do believe that having lesbian friends is important. There are perhaps 100 members in our Meet-Up, which meets bi-monthly. In the off months, eight of us meet privately, in a breakout of our own, as we have more in common with each other, regarding interests and lifestyles. We're all middle aged, empty nesters, partnered or married, smokers. Sometimes we meet in a street café, sometimes in one of our houses. After warm hugs and hellos, we spend the next hour, sometimes two or three, swapping stories over coffee and cigarettes. We cover all the funny, serious, touching, frustrating, problematic or sad experiences we've had in the last month.
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