Post by luca on Nov 29, 2023 15:01:45 GMT
Hello, this is my first post here and I honestly just registered to write this because I hope someone can help me. I hope this is the right place to post it?? I'm sorry if it's not and also sorry for mistakes because my first language isn't english.
Trigger warning for .... idk? Dubious consent?? But i'm not sure and I won't be explicit.
I'm Luca (m,20) and I've been in a relationship for a few months with my boyfriend, who is 24. I'm really in love for the first time...or was. I'm no sure now.
I live in a shared flat with my best friend Dan. We went to school together.
Since I've been with my boyfriend, he's been making stupid comments about Dan. For no reason. He just doesn't seem to like him. I've told him several times that I don't think it's okay for him to talk about my best friend like that. A few weeks ago he said that he didn't like me hanging out with Dan all the time, that I should remember who my boyfriend is, that we should live together instead.
I told him that he was being completely unreasonable, that Dan and I are just friends.
He let it go (I thought) and apologized, saying he gets jealous easily because he was cheated on a lot in his last relationship and that he can't help it.
That's just the back story!!!
The day before yesterday we went out together. With other friends of his, and with 2 of my friends (one of them being Dan). We had a really nice evening, went to our favorite restaurant, then to a pub, had a lot of fun. He even seemed to get on well with Dan and for the first time I wasn't so tense. Because normally when they meet it always ends in a bad mood. Because my boyfriend feels somehow threatened by Dan, and because Dan thinks he doesn't treat me well.
But the day before yesterday was nice, everyone got along. Everyone had a good time. I was really drunk when we finally got home. My boyfriend was suddenly very pushy, he practically let himself into our apartment, which Dan also commented on. I still remember that.
We were in my room at some point and all I remember is that he was angry from one moment to the next. He accused me of having embarassed him. He said I'd only talked to Dan the whole time and stared at him. That's not true. We were sitting quite far apart and I talked to Dan the least that night, literally. I tried to tell him but he got very upset and pushed me onto my bed.
At that point, I suspected that he wanted to sleep with me. I thought that was strange because who sleeps with someone when you're fighting. But I didn't give it that much thought because it wouldn't happen anyway, I didn't want to anyway because I hate having sex when I'm drunk. So I asked him if we could watch a movie.
He didn't answer that but asked me what my problem was and when I said that I was drunk. He said it didn't matter because he was drunk too.
It all happened very quickly somehow and is kind of a blur, all I know is that he was on top of me and we had sex and he was very rough and pushed my head into my pillow. I started crying at some point because it hurt. But I didn't say no, i actually didn't say anything. I had felt so pressured into this!! And I was so shocked by what he did and didn't like fight back or anything.
I must have fallen asleep at some point. The next morning (yesterday) I confronted him. He seemed totally confused and oblivious and said that he was sorry if he was a bit rough, I had just pissed him off. I said that it was more than a little rough and that I didn't want it. But he insists that I didn't say no and that I wasn't crying.
I don't really know if I believe him. I was also very drunk. Even if I didn't say stop directly, I just felt totally pressured into it and he really hurt me!!!! He should have noticed, right? Was this rape or do you think he could be right and I communicated too badly that I didn't want it...? I don't even know anymore:(
So I told Dan the whole thing (not that detailed lol) and he's totally freaked out and says I have to break up with him and that he's a psychopath. But I don't want to lose him either, because this is my first relationship and apart from him being jealous (which has to do with the fact that he was hurt in his last relationship), everything was fine until the day before yesterday!
I don't know what to do!!! On the one hand, I never want to see him again because of what I think he did. On the other hand, I'm starting to doubt myself because he now says he would have stopped if I had said something and that I didn't cry at all, but I was sure I did? But then again it's all blurry
Help i'm literally having a breakdown about this:(
Trigger warning for .... idk? Dubious consent?? But i'm not sure and I won't be explicit.
I'm Luca (m,20) and I've been in a relationship for a few months with my boyfriend, who is 24. I'm really in love for the first time...or was. I'm no sure now.
I live in a shared flat with my best friend Dan. We went to school together.
Since I've been with my boyfriend, he's been making stupid comments about Dan. For no reason. He just doesn't seem to like him. I've told him several times that I don't think it's okay for him to talk about my best friend like that. A few weeks ago he said that he didn't like me hanging out with Dan all the time, that I should remember who my boyfriend is, that we should live together instead.
I told him that he was being completely unreasonable, that Dan and I are just friends.
He let it go (I thought) and apologized, saying he gets jealous easily because he was cheated on a lot in his last relationship and that he can't help it.
That's just the back story!!!
The day before yesterday we went out together. With other friends of his, and with 2 of my friends (one of them being Dan). We had a really nice evening, went to our favorite restaurant, then to a pub, had a lot of fun. He even seemed to get on well with Dan and for the first time I wasn't so tense. Because normally when they meet it always ends in a bad mood. Because my boyfriend feels somehow threatened by Dan, and because Dan thinks he doesn't treat me well.
But the day before yesterday was nice, everyone got along. Everyone had a good time. I was really drunk when we finally got home. My boyfriend was suddenly very pushy, he practically let himself into our apartment, which Dan also commented on. I still remember that.
We were in my room at some point and all I remember is that he was angry from one moment to the next. He accused me of having embarassed him. He said I'd only talked to Dan the whole time and stared at him. That's not true. We were sitting quite far apart and I talked to Dan the least that night, literally. I tried to tell him but he got very upset and pushed me onto my bed.
At that point, I suspected that he wanted to sleep with me. I thought that was strange because who sleeps with someone when you're fighting. But I didn't give it that much thought because it wouldn't happen anyway, I didn't want to anyway because I hate having sex when I'm drunk. So I asked him if we could watch a movie.
He didn't answer that but asked me what my problem was and when I said that I was drunk. He said it didn't matter because he was drunk too.
It all happened very quickly somehow and is kind of a blur, all I know is that he was on top of me and we had sex and he was very rough and pushed my head into my pillow. I started crying at some point because it hurt. But I didn't say no, i actually didn't say anything. I had felt so pressured into this!! And I was so shocked by what he did and didn't like fight back or anything.
I must have fallen asleep at some point. The next morning (yesterday) I confronted him. He seemed totally confused and oblivious and said that he was sorry if he was a bit rough, I had just pissed him off. I said that it was more than a little rough and that I didn't want it. But he insists that I didn't say no and that I wasn't crying.
I don't really know if I believe him. I was also very drunk. Even if I didn't say stop directly, I just felt totally pressured into it and he really hurt me!!!! He should have noticed, right? Was this rape or do you think he could be right and I communicated too badly that I didn't want it...? I don't even know anymore:(
So I told Dan the whole thing (not that detailed lol) and he's totally freaked out and says I have to break up with him and that he's a psychopath. But I don't want to lose him either, because this is my first relationship and apart from him being jealous (which has to do with the fact that he was hurt in his last relationship), everything was fine until the day before yesterday!
I don't know what to do!!! On the one hand, I never want to see him again because of what I think he did. On the other hand, I'm starting to doubt myself because he now says he would have stopped if I had said something and that I didn't cry at all, but I was sure I did? But then again it's all blurry
Help i'm literally having a breakdown about this:(
