Post by usernameallowed on Dec 25, 2023 5:41:52 GMT
I live in the North of Ireland which from my experience is extremely anti gay bi lgbt.
i grew up a typical straight teenager ..attracted to girls and had experiences with girls and women from an early age i also had a gay experience age 12 but nothing more than rubbing my groin fully clothed .
had big group of friends most of my life . never had any doubts or questions about sexuality . i grew up in a typically masculine environment still do nothing has really changed in how i feel or see myself .
i got with women up to the age of about 23 and i have been told i have a daughter, but i have never seen her and.the mother was a brief summer fling and we filtered out. i was diagnosed with adhd age 12 and have always been somewhat reserved very introspective, Very extrovert teenager but grew more into myself with age. I've always been "different" im told especially by my mother....
at 33 i experienced homophobia, intimidation, and harassment never experienced this in my life and had no choice but to relocate . im a temperamental son of a bitch when i have to be but this was not the time nor dod i particularly want to love in that area
At 31 just before covid i had been single for a decade and had no interest in relationships. i was content in my misery i stopped working and socialising and dropped off the face of the earth. i spent most days running out in the woods, lifting weights and generally just taking life easy.
Then covid . before COVID actually, i discovered trans porn , actually i discovered it 10 years before and watched it for about 2 weeks and decided thats not what i want to be watching. quit for 10 years didnt think about it once. until before COVID i saw trans porn online and had the been watching trans porn and women and it has been the same ever since.
it wasnt until age 33 after my first experience of hate and homophobia i realised fuck people think i am gay, which was totally bizzare to me as i had never actually considered wether i was or not my family had never asked or pressured me about my sexuality and i never discussed it because it was not exactly anyone business but my own.
quite a difficult tim during this period i realised i had no one to talk to about any of what was actually going on and that an entire fucking community was up in arms at my living there . i had grief from previous addresses where i lived for 7 years but had no idea what the problem was ultimately they learned not to fuck with me. ultimately ive been like a caged bear for 15 years. only at 33 did i realise im a bit of a mixed bag. and its been eye opening to the state of the country and the systemic failings and abuses that go on here for people of LGBT.
the biggest issue is for people like myself who have absolutely no idea they are gay or bisexual until there third decade of life only through acts of violence or intimidation do they realise there is a problem
i think these people are cowards they cannot speak to me face to face they cannot harm me physically they vandalise in the dark or poke and prod seedy pathetic shit. but i know thats not always the case people have been murdered here for being gay people who have been openly gay
So i am well prepared i am a very aggressive person no doubt because of years of being two people and dealing with low key hate on a daily basis also because i have adhd and i have no consideration for any consequences.
moral of the story i feel society has repressed me beyond belief to the point even after knowing i am attracted to some people of lgbt i still don't know wether im gay or bi .
i am not attracted to men especially not heterosexual men . i still dont consider any men to be sexually attractive but i am attracted to some trans mainly.through the scope of porn.
to be honest i am at the stage im thinking enough is enough i am not going to let anyone intimidate repress or dictate to me any longer about who i am and how my life should be.
The issue is i reckon its deeply ingrained in me to focus to be hot headed, stand my ground and dont let anyone fuck with me the issue with this is i think i am potentially repressing my own sexuality to the point im not 100% certain .
i think the environments i have lived in have completley removed me from myself. i have been told by alot of people that people here are mostly closeted so tbh i have no idea wether i am attracted to gay people within my own hemisphere or not
i am not attracted to typical masculinity or anything like that
i am 33 years of age and i have no life whatsoever. rarely speak to my family and have recently realised they have "known" i was gay since i was a teenager .... when i was having sex with 40 year old women . tbh i think i am bisexual but i have preferences, which is limited.
don't really know why i am writing.this other than is this a typical story of people who dont know there own sexuality repressed within society
i was content before in my ignorance and any hatred or assholery water off a ducks back i was unstoppable but very bored.
in a sense i have to thank these small minded fucks because its opened my eyes , and i now believe i owe it to myself to find out who i am and what i want in life and go from there.
im 33 alot of life wasted but at least another 30 if i haven't been driven to suicide by then yes i am aware and apparently its my mental health.
i am a fairly productive individual i have been a professional chef and i have worked in haulage and logistics on multiple roles, never had an issue and always excelled . but i am older i am more aware tend to go through lots of history with a finetooth comb . ultimately trying to work out who the fuck i am. i think being bisexual in a society that thinks your gay but not finding any same sex attractive one very fucked way to live inthink this society has removed me from myself and replaced them with mental health issues
i grew up a typical straight teenager ..attracted to girls and had experiences with girls and women from an early age i also had a gay experience age 12 but nothing more than rubbing my groin fully clothed .
had big group of friends most of my life . never had any doubts or questions about sexuality . i grew up in a typically masculine environment still do nothing has really changed in how i feel or see myself .
i got with women up to the age of about 23 and i have been told i have a daughter, but i have never seen her and.the mother was a brief summer fling and we filtered out. i was diagnosed with adhd age 12 and have always been somewhat reserved very introspective, Very extrovert teenager but grew more into myself with age. I've always been "different" im told especially by my mother....
at 33 i experienced homophobia, intimidation, and harassment never experienced this in my life and had no choice but to relocate . im a temperamental son of a bitch when i have to be but this was not the time nor dod i particularly want to love in that area
At 31 just before covid i had been single for a decade and had no interest in relationships. i was content in my misery i stopped working and socialising and dropped off the face of the earth. i spent most days running out in the woods, lifting weights and generally just taking life easy.
Then covid . before COVID actually, i discovered trans porn , actually i discovered it 10 years before and watched it for about 2 weeks and decided thats not what i want to be watching. quit for 10 years didnt think about it once. until before COVID i saw trans porn online and had the been watching trans porn and women and it has been the same ever since.
it wasnt until age 33 after my first experience of hate and homophobia i realised fuck people think i am gay, which was totally bizzare to me as i had never actually considered wether i was or not my family had never asked or pressured me about my sexuality and i never discussed it because it was not exactly anyone business but my own.
quite a difficult tim during this period i realised i had no one to talk to about any of what was actually going on and that an entire fucking community was up in arms at my living there . i had grief from previous addresses where i lived for 7 years but had no idea what the problem was ultimately they learned not to fuck with me. ultimately ive been like a caged bear for 15 years. only at 33 did i realise im a bit of a mixed bag. and its been eye opening to the state of the country and the systemic failings and abuses that go on here for people of LGBT.
the biggest issue is for people like myself who have absolutely no idea they are gay or bisexual until there third decade of life only through acts of violence or intimidation do they realise there is a problem
i think these people are cowards they cannot speak to me face to face they cannot harm me physically they vandalise in the dark or poke and prod seedy pathetic shit. but i know thats not always the case people have been murdered here for being gay people who have been openly gay
So i am well prepared i am a very aggressive person no doubt because of years of being two people and dealing with low key hate on a daily basis also because i have adhd and i have no consideration for any consequences.
moral of the story i feel society has repressed me beyond belief to the point even after knowing i am attracted to some people of lgbt i still don't know wether im gay or bi .
i am not attracted to men especially not heterosexual men . i still dont consider any men to be sexually attractive but i am attracted to some trans mainly.through the scope of porn.
to be honest i am at the stage im thinking enough is enough i am not going to let anyone intimidate repress or dictate to me any longer about who i am and how my life should be.
The issue is i reckon its deeply ingrained in me to focus to be hot headed, stand my ground and dont let anyone fuck with me the issue with this is i think i am potentially repressing my own sexuality to the point im not 100% certain .
i think the environments i have lived in have completley removed me from myself. i have been told by alot of people that people here are mostly closeted so tbh i have no idea wether i am attracted to gay people within my own hemisphere or not
i am not attracted to typical masculinity or anything like that
i am 33 years of age and i have no life whatsoever. rarely speak to my family and have recently realised they have "known" i was gay since i was a teenager .... when i was having sex with 40 year old women . tbh i think i am bisexual but i have preferences, which is limited.
don't really know why i am writing.this other than is this a typical story of people who dont know there own sexuality repressed within society
i was content before in my ignorance and any hatred or assholery water off a ducks back i was unstoppable but very bored.
in a sense i have to thank these small minded fucks because its opened my eyes , and i now believe i owe it to myself to find out who i am and what i want in life and go from there.
im 33 alot of life wasted but at least another 30 if i haven't been driven to suicide by then yes i am aware and apparently its my mental health.
i am a fairly productive individual i have been a professional chef and i have worked in haulage and logistics on multiple roles, never had an issue and always excelled . but i am older i am more aware tend to go through lots of history with a finetooth comb . ultimately trying to work out who the fuck i am. i think being bisexual in a society that thinks your gay but not finding any same sex attractive one very fucked way to live inthink this society has removed me from myself and replaced them with mental health issues
