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Post by rebeccajane on Oct 20, 2023 12:54:16 GMT
Hello,
Today I introduce myself to the lgbthero community. This is a first for me, as I have not yet fully come out as being trans, and just want to get used to chatting about it. I hope that by talking with other people in the lgbt community, I will feel less alone and become stronger with being honest with myself and with my family.
That's it, I suppose, and "Hello" :-)
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Post by Saathi on Oct 22, 2023 14:43:10 GMT
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Post by rebeccajane on Oct 24, 2023 6:18:15 GMT
Hello, Today I introduce myself to the lgbthero community. This is a first for me, as I have not yet fully come out as being trans, and just want to get used to chatting about it. I hope that by talking with other people in the lgbt community, I will feel less alone and become stronger with being honest with myself and with my family. That's it, I suppose, and "Hello" :-) |
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Post by Saathi on Oct 24, 2023 9:05:07 GMT
Hi - hope you got my reply on Sunday afternoon. Hope all is going well.
Best wishes and welcome again to LGBT HERO Forums
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Post by rebeccajane on Dec 12, 2023 11:14:11 GMT
Hello Saathi,
Yes, I received your message, thank you. Your thoughts were well received and the links useful.
Sometimes it takes me a long time to reply due to work or just not understanding how I feel or what I want to say.
To make this clearer to understand, I only acknowledged to a sex counselor 18 months ago that I might be trans and then to my wife 6 months ago. I'm still trying to understand my feelings. Some days I am definitely a man and other days I scream in my head "you are a woman".
What makes it so hard to understand who or what I am, is not having enough time, energy or people to help me think.
My job involves constant thinking for 10 hours a day so by the time I'm home and relaxed, all I'm good for is random thoughts or snoozing on the sofa. Weekends are hopeless as they are taken up with family, chores and getting ready for the week ahead.
When a vacation comes along, in the days leading up to it, all I can think of is dressing and experiencing life as a woman. Rather than relaxing into this, I binge, feel amazing, release and then feel sad that I have to pack everything away and return to being a man. It is the lack of freedom, which is as much my doing as the circumstances I live in.
My current situation is with a loving wife and soul mate who has not come to terms with my gender...and how can she when I don't know what it is myself! She is very much a straight woman and worried that I will leave her or she will be alone for the remainder of her life in a marriage without the passion that she deserves. Oh, the guilt with the fear and sadness that I am causing her:-(
My children are in the dark. I have not told friends: once this is out of the box, there is no putting it back and what if it is just fantasy and a phase I'm going through? I do have gaffs in life: I throw myself into hobbies and interests for a couple of years and then find something new. It drives my wife mad but I think it is just that I am overly creative and need new stimulus. This last sentence also worries me: am I only thinking that I am a woman because I am bored with being a man and need new experiences?
If I did tell friends and family, I don't have answers to their questions. I wish I was stronger, I wish that other's views didn't matter to me, I wish I don't feel guilt. I don't want to undo my life but if I could climb into a machine and come out a woman, I think that I would be content.
I just can't see what my life would look like as a woman, still having those I love around me and sharing it with them. I am filled with sadness when I see divorced couples who only see parts of each others life when visitation happens.
My decision could boil down to: be married with 24/7 family vs personal contentment with intense loneliness.
Life would be so much simpler if I was just the male I was born into and accepting this.
Rebecca/Jack
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Post by Saathi on Dec 12, 2023 14:38:16 GMT
Hey Rebecca, thanks for your post. And I am glad my reply was well received. Sounds like you are busy with work life and family but are trying your best to live the life you need to. Looks like you are accessing the right support and have also come out to your wife. I am hoping these conversations are helping? Making time to look after yourself may give you the right energy in relation to work life/balance. See what self care works for you, for now. I'm glad you have replied back. Thank you and I certainly wish you the very best. At LGBT HERO I also facilitate various social support groups on Zoom (50+ and LGBTQ+ HangOuts). In these sessions people often get to have their own space. The times are usually 7 - 8.30pm (50+ every 2nd and last Tuesday of the month)or 11 - 12.30am (LGBTQ+ HangOuts every 1st and 3rd Sat of the month). Some people choose to try out a pro-noun or dress as they wish too for that time. I hear you when you say it is frustrating to dress back again and this must be distressing but for that time you might enjoy an inclusive and safe space. But I wanted you to know that these social support groups exist. www.lgbthero.org.uk/Pages/Events/To live your authentic life is a healthy way to live but I agree this is not always easy when we have family or other commitments etc. It is also healthy that you have an outlet to talk to such as forums, social support groups and safe spaces where you can go. And also people who will listen to you and not judge you. Would planning an activity with other Trans people for the future be something you might look forward to? Not sure what is in your local area, but most bigger cities have some social/support Trans meet ups. The 'meet up' app is also worth having a look at. Here are some links below too that may help?: www.lgbthero.org.uk/being-transgenderwww.lgbthero.org.uk/find-supportwww.meetup.com/london-transgender-meetup-group/www.meetup.com/topics/male-to-female-mtf-transgender/us/www.transunite.co.uk/find-a-group/ |
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Post by cam50 on Dec 16, 2023 11:24:29 GMT
Hello, Today I introduce myself to the lgbthero community. This is a first for me, as I have not yet fully come out as being trans, and just want to get used to chatting about it. I hope that by talking with other people in the lgbt community, I will feel less alone and become stronger with being honest with myself and with my family. That's it, I suppose, and "Hello" :-) |
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Post by rebeccajane on Jan 13, 2024 17:22:23 GMT
Hello,
I feel like reaching out again, just to talk and share a surprise I had today. A little background first: I'm back at work after the Christmas break, loving the work but definitely working like a maniac. A benefit of work is I'm so busy, Rebecca's voice in my head gets muted and the frustrations of trapped in a male body are dulled. Then the weekend hits: good nights sleep, slow wake up and boom "Rebecca, get dressed and woman up" but, alas, not possible, at the moment.
Today was a long list of jobs to complete, those things that pile up during the week and just need to be done. First, family haircut. We have had a hairdresser coming to us for years and though she askes me every time "So what am I doing today, the usual?" and boom, there I was thinking for the first time "I want to grow my hair, get it styled and dye it a beautiful colour!" My gosh, that came out of the blue, I nearly blocked the shears and left the room. Such intense feelings and completely unexpected. Throughout the cut I felt stunned, I really didn't want it cut, "Please stop!". My goodness, that was a new feeling.
Afterwards, in the shower, I came so close to crying: frustrations felt recently started to bubble up and I just wanted to cry. I want to be me but I'm just not strong enough yet to tell important people and so worried about the impact it will have on my family: really don't know how my teenage son will cope. Then the sadness turned into anger and grumpiness. Angry at myself and grumpy that life was indifferent to me and just carries on.
Now, after a glass of red, dullness and lack of interest in anything. I want to feel passion, I want to feel happy, I want to feel excited by life. But, the responsibility of being a father and husband causes me to chicken out.
Perhaps it is just time and patience. I still have much to think through and to come to terms with. Time and patience. And talking, I feel better already:-)
Yes, I feel better for sharing.
Rebecca xx
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Post by Saathi on Jan 14, 2024 11:30:11 GMT
Hi Rebecca, firstly wishing you the best for 2024 and I hope your work life balance improves, even if it is enough time for yourself. You sound like a very busy person at a time where you may need greater space to explore you gender, gender expression and having space and time to talk to other likeminded people who will not judge you and just listen. You are on your 'journey' to self-discovery. I'm not sure if you are in the UK or abroad but are there any online or physical Trans+ groups you could attend? - online might give you more flexibility. Here at LGBT HERO we used to run a Trans+ group which will restart soon. All our current online groups are here > www.lgbthero.org.uk/Pages/Events/You mentioned a good nights sleep which is an effective self-care tool - glad you are sleeping well. When I was trying to understand my sexuality and gender I would struggle with sleep a lot and this would make me very tried during the day. Also, having the hair that you want is important and it's important to know you have agency over how you look. Growing your hair, styling and colouring it, sounds wonderful. I sometimes grow my hair longer but never coloured it - yet. I often have trauma when I cut my hair - I think I prefer it longer too. Understandably, you are worried of the impact of being your authentic self may have on your family but sometimes when we hide or live in secrecy it often impacts our own mental health and well-being. Is there anyone you can talk to - to unpack your feelings - such as a counsellor or therapist or a social group. Sometimes a phone line for support can be effective too. Again not sure where you are in the world but have a look at this >> www.lgbthero.org.uk/find-supportI also think it is wonderful that you are creative - keep being this, as this can help. Being creative allows the brain to focus away from overthinking. Wishing you a happier and healthy week |
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Post by dobby89 on Jan 29, 2024 19:05:10 GMT
Hi Rebecca,
I am trans too. I'm a trans man, if you ever want to chat about coming out to family and have someone just to vent to you can message me if you feel comfortable doing so.
It can be scary but you have to do what's right for you. Being your authentic self is a very freeing experience but I do understand it is scary too.
J
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