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Post by katie on Jul 16, 2022 18:05:53 GMT
Yep, my husband is definitely in a bit of denial, and I think there’s some anger lurking underneath. He’s cross because he felt blind-sided when I told him how I was feeling. Of course, I’d say I gave him plenty of clues, he just chose to ignore them.
We’ve been papering over cracks in that there have been times we’ve kept the peace or patched up a disagreement but we are both still angry or upset underneath. I had an individual therapy session this week (as part of the couples counselling) so I had chance to lay out all the things that have stuck with me throughout the duration of our relationship without my husband there. It was difficult, but also really nice to have my feelings heard and valued, and now it’s like I don’t have to carry them any more, which is freeing.
I’m not too worried about the children at the moment because my husband and I are functioning normally as parents, and I know there’s no immediate danger of us splitting up. I’ll worry more if we start to move towards not being together. How are you feeling about your children?
It must be really tough taking in your husband’s anger. You’re strong enough to handle it, and it won’t last forever. Is it making you feel pressured to make a decision?
Hope you’re able to enjoy the sunshine this weekend 🙂 Thank you for thinking of me on Thursday. I’d happily exchange numbers, but not sure that’s possible in here. Maybe it will become possible at some point 🤞 xx
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Post by whoknows on Jul 17, 2022 19:15:23 GMT
How did the individual therapy session come about? I keep hoping ours will suggest we do individual as I think it could really help. Will your therapist do an individual with your husband too? So glad you felt had an opportunity to share things so close to you, Im glad to hear you felt some relief from it all too.
Are you & husband still sexually actively? My husband has tried to kiss me a few times and I just cannot do it, i feel so bad for it!
I almost can’t think about the children, but I do know they will be okay and that I will be okay. I can’t go through more than 1-2 hours where I don’t question solo parenting or dating women, or sex with a woman, or life without my husband. I just wish I had an easy way out. I do feel pressure at the moment, I think because I feel more confident that I’m not in love with him in the way I should be but I can’t get myself beyond that. Deep down I know I won’t be as happy with him as I could be with someone else.
As for exchanging numbers, I have a totally random instagram account that I use to follow a few random things… if you follow it we can try exchange? It’s @fuzzle.puzzle
How are you feeling about the week ahead? We have couples therapy tomorrow and I’m dreading it again 😞
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Post by katie on Jul 18, 2022 17:33:48 GMT
Hey,
How was your session? How are you?
Our counsellor just said the way they work is to do the first couples session together, then an individual session each, then back together. They just said it’s what they found works best. So my husband has his individual this week, and then we come back together for session 4.
We are still having sex, although we are probably spending more time on other sexual activities than full penetration. It’s still difficult, but he has said that he doesn’t mind not having sex. That had really reduced the pressure I was feeling and made it easier for me.
I’m glad you feel that you know you and your children will be ok even if you are not together with your husband. That sounds like a big, positive step forward. Well done!
I’ve followed you on Insta, and I’ve messaged you. Hope I’ve got the right account!
I’m a bit wobbly this week as it’s my first week since finishing my personal therapy, but all in all I’m ok thanks. One day at a time! Xx
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Post by bigfoot on Jul 19, 2022 0:15:23 GMT
Get a free consultation with a family divorce lawyer and they’ll give you an idea of how the division of money will work out, which should give you peace of mind about your options.
Next, if you do decide to leave your marriage, you need to focus on healing yourself and getting your career, so don’t worry about dating for a while. Date yourself.
Third, the person that belongs to you will come when you’re ready, even in your 30s, 40s, 50s.. even with kids. Girl, you’re not even in your prime yet. The best is yet to come. I believe that.
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Post by katie on Jul 19, 2022 7:23:42 GMT
Hi Bigfoot,
Thank you for your message, and the advice. It sounds so simple! But, as we know, nothing is ever easy!
I read your hello message. How are things going for you at the moment?
Katie x
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Post by whoknows on Jul 19, 2022 7:34:38 GMT
Thank you for your advice Bigfoot, peace of mind would be nice but even that all seems like a big step. You are so right to say it's important to date yourself, but right now I'm craving intimacy. How are you doing? I hope you're keeping well x
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Post by bigfoot on Jul 20, 2022 17:20:24 GMT
Hey Katie! Thank you for asking. Things are not easy until now, I hope it would get better by the time.
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Post by bigfoot on Jul 20, 2022 17:27:21 GMT
Yes whoknows it is a big step but you'll eventually get used to it. I can understand how much you are going through. Sustaining yourself would be hard for now, I hope you gets best in this world.
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Post by rainbirox on Sept 23, 2022 17:00:43 GMT
I think almost everyone on this forum will be able to relate to the loneliness you feel when you're questioning your sexuality/identity. That's me, now. I'm currently in a a state of turmoil not knowing what to do with my life. I am 36, been married for 6 years and have two kids under 4. In the past I have had both relationships with men and women, almost of equal amounts; interestingly I recall more of the female encounters. Recently I have been struggling with my identity and general lack of fulfilment. I've not felt like I belonged, I've lacked enormous amounts of confidence and generally felt like there has been something missing. I'd find myself saying 'I have a husband, 2 beautiful children, a beautiful home, a good job, a great family and friends network and I have a happy life, but do I?'. In the past 2 years I've not wanted to be physically intimate with my husband; I put it down to having young children. Every time my mum friends would say 'you're not alone, I do anything to avoid it' I've found myself thinking 'yeh but this is different' because I've almost felt repulsed. Recently I've had an affair with another woman and it has blown my mind; it's not the first time I've been intimate with a woman but the body confidence I felt, the intensity and passion and safety of it all felt mind-blowing. At the same time, my therapist kept asking me if there was something I was suppressing, something that was stopping me from being truly happy; and I think that something is my sexuality. Almost like as he asked me the question, this woman walked into my life and acted as a catalyst. I'm now left with the biggest question ever; do I be selfish, pursue my own sexuality at the detriment of a family life. I feel I'm living a lie but yeh I can't imagine leaving my life as I know it behind. But I also can't fathom the idea of living out this lie for the rest of my life. BUT I also know how incredible it feels to be truly authentic; and how integral identity is to fulfilment. Of course, I deserve to teach my children the true value of authenticity and I should be a role model to them but it feels like such an enormous and daunting prospect. I have told my husband I think I might be gay but I'm scared of the conversation going further as I worry it forces a conclusion I'm just not ready for. My husband is struggling with his mental health; terrified at the prospect of losing me but that makes me feel even more suffocated. Looking for any advice, words of wisdom and encouragement at such an isolating and overwhelming time Hi, I feel i could have written this post! Im in a very similar position to you. I, like you, have gone back and forth with the idea of kerping up the happy family image and just existing for my family. But how is that fair on me? You only have one life and it is so short. Im currently going through the break up,the acceptance etc. My husband is heartbroken but quite supportive at the same time. Im so shocked at his strength. Im overwhelmed by the emotional turmoil but i know how i feel so much happier inside when im being my true authentic self. My heart goes out to you because i know exactly how it feels to be in your situation. Please feel free to pm me if you want to chat and need support etc. Sending you big hugs. It will get easier with time
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Post by whoknows on Sept 25, 2022 20:48:33 GMT
Hi rainbirox, Thank you so much for your message, I really appreciated reading it. I take so much comfort knowing there are others in similar situations to me.
So proud of you for taking that first, and often the hardest step. I’d love to hear more about the process you went through in questioning your sexuality and then how you found the strength and courage to leave. I feel totally and utterly paralysed, unable to see any way through 😞 would love any words of wisdom, advice or encouragement if you can xx
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